Want a laugh? Here are some jokes to crack you up!
A little boy sitting in class puts his hand up and the teacher says, “Yes Johnny? Can I help you?”
Little Johnny replies, “Miss, miss, I really need to go to the toilet quickly.”
The teacher says to little Johnny, “Yes Johnny, but before you go, could you please sing me the alphabet?”
Little Johnny starts singing the alphabet. “A b c d e f g, h i j k l m n o, q r s t u v w x y z. Now may I go to the toilet miss?”
The teacher replies, “Before you go, what happened to the p?”
Little Johnny says, “The p is running down my leg Miss, because I’m really busting!”
Has anyone heard that Julia Gillard has been banned from Mc Donald’s stores? Legislation states that there can only be one red headed clown in the store at one time.
A man and a woman go to the Air show every year. Each time, the man says, “Anna, can we ride the aeroplane that goes up in the air, circles the show, and then comes back down?”
The woman always replies, “We don’t need to ride those planes, because it costs too much, and at the end of the day, ten dollars is ten dollars and that money could be better spent elsewhere.”
One year, Tom, the pilot, says, “Larry, I always hear you say that you want to ride my aeroplane and I always hear Anna whining that it is too expensive. I’ll make a deal with you. If I do all the flips and tricks with you there with me, and you don’t say a word, I will give you the ride for free.
Anna and Larry discussed it and decided they would take the deal. They took off in to the air and Tom performed all his flips and tricks.
Afterwards Tom says, “Larry I was sure you would say something after the first flip, but you didn’t.
Larry replies, “I was going to say something when Anna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars!”
An elderly man and his wife woke up in bed one morning. The elderly man was keen for a bit with his wife, but was having trouble standing up. Then, all of a sudden, he jumped out of bed, got dressed and was on his way out the front door.
His wife asked, “Where are you going?”
The husband replied, “Off to the doctors to get some of that Viagra stuff.”
Then his wife also jumped out of bed and got dressed.
The husband asked, “Why are you getting up and getting dressed so quickly?”
She said, “I’m off to the doctors too, to get a tetanus shot, because I’ll need it if you come anywhere near me with that rusty old thing.”
A woman said to her husband, “I’ve been thinking about getting breast implants to have larger breasts.”
Her husband replied, “Have you tried wearing a tighter top to push them together?”
His wife asked, “Will that work?”
Her husband replied, “It worked with your bottom, didn’t it?”
A hip young man goes out and buys one of the best cars available: a 2010 Ferrari F40. It is one of the best and most expensive cars in the world, and sets him back $1.2m. He takes it for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man in a MG convertible (both looking about ninety years old), pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car you got there, sonny?”
The young man replies, “A 2010 Ferrari. It costs $1.2m.”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?”
“Because this car can reach the top speed of 320km per hour,” the cool dodo states proudly.
The elderly man asks, “Do you mind if I have a look inside?”
“Sure,” the owner replies.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then he leans back in to his MG convertible, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car alright!”
Just then, the lights change to green, so the young man decides to show the old man what his car can do. He puts his pedal to the metal, and within 30 seconds the speedometer is reading 320kmph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer. He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly, whoosh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
“What an earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?” The young man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming towards him. Whoosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man in the MG convertible!
“Couldn’t be!” thinks the guy. “How could a MG convertible outrun a Ferrari?”
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whoosh!
Ka-bbbblammmm! It ploughs in to the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and good grief! It is the old man! Of course, the old man is seriously injured. He runs up to the dying man and says, “You’re badly hurt. Is there anything I can do for you?”
The old man groans and replies, “Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!”
Hope you enjoyed those jokes! If you would like to post any more, please feel free!
Until next time!
Cheers!
Bird’s Eye
